If you have a child who plays sports, you have seen it. If you have gone to a youth sports game or a high school game, you have heard it. What am I talking about?
The parent who goes over the edge. Inevitably, it will happen at your daughter’s softball game, at your son’s soccer game or at a tennis match. It could be a dad who gets frustrated because his child strikes out with the bases loaded or it could be the mom who thinks her son isn’t trying enough. Believe it or not, the mom can often be worse than the dad because she is usually the one driving the car pools, washing uniforms and running to get water bottles and snacks when their kids have run out or forgotten them.
Unfortunately, sometimes it can go too far. In Oklahoma City, a high school soccer player was recently arrested for suspicion of murdering his father. His father was constantly berating him on the sidelines at his high school soccer games. Apparently, these degrading comments were not only restricted to his sports play, but also to his academics. The son admitted to murdering his father and stuffing him in a freezer. Obviously, this is not the norm, but this man’s comments had gone too far.
Cheering and booing at sporting events have gone on since the chariot races in Rome. Expressing yourself at a professional or college game is usually accepted. However, most stadiums have announcements before the game about unruly behavior or foul language being unacceptable and individuals who participate in these behaviors may possibly be escorted out of the stadium or arena.
But, what about at your child’s youth sports event? What are the rules there? Some leagues have rules that are enforced and some do little if anything about it.
Today, most youth sport leagues have sportsmanship waivers parents must sign when they enroll their child, but I feel most are not enforced. Usually, it is just a piece of paper most people just sign and don’t read. Most, just require one parent’s signature, so consequently, the other parent may not know anything about the sportsmanship policy at the games.
So what do you do when a parent on your team starts yelling at their child or maybe at yours? Do you say something? Do you sit on your hands and hope some common sense comes to this person: Do you go get something at the concession stand and sit somewhere else?
I believe the worst thing you can do is to confront the person who is screaming and yelling. Fred Engh, the President of the National Alliiance for Youth Sports (NAYS) and I have presented two teleseminars about youth sports and have discussed this topic at length. As Fred has stated, “violence begets violence”.
At the coach’s preseason meeting, parental behavior in the stands should be one of the most important topics discussed. Each team should have a procedure for handling parents who go over the edge at a game or at a practice. I believe it is the coach’s responsibility to have a policy that should state what is appropriate and what is not at games.
I feel if a parent becomes unruly at a game the team should have a policy that another parent notifies the coach during the game, if the coach hasn’t noticed this behavior himself/herself.
It is then up to the coach to speak with the parent and ask them to get under control or to leave the game for a few minutes and calm down. I also believe if this behavior is repeated, that parent should be banned from attending any more games or practices for the rest of the season.
This is a policy that should be made very clear at the preseason meeting and should be enforced throughout the season. The NAYS has found out that teams that back this up, usually don’t have problems with parents or kids during the season, and in the end, this makes the youth sports experience a pleasant one for fans and most importantly, for the kids who are playing the games.
What do you think? I would like to see your comments.
Well, as a mom I have been on both sides of the sideline cheering at games. My son tries very hard to do his best. However, he can not keep up with kids his age. Unfortunatley, I have heard so many negative things said about my son when he was playing soccer, and T-ball. I was right next to parents who said very not nice things about my son’s performance. My heart drops to my knees. I usually am by myself and I never say anything. Accept, I know the next time I see those parents. I stay far away. How does a parent scream at a 6/7 yr. old for there performance. On the other hand, my daughter is great in playing all sports for her age and is a great little athlete. I have heard also great things while sitting watching my daughter play soccer but I continue to keep my mouth shut. I have asked the coach to take her out and let others play. I do not want her to think she is the only one that is a good player. The coach listens but continually has her out on the field.She is in a few sports at this present time. When she gets older I think one or two perseason depending on the kid and whats going on in his/her life.should be the limit with everything else kids have to do these days. I liked your article about cheering section just thought I would tell you. N
Comment by NANCI — April 12, 2007 @ 1:15 am
I agree with you about the coach taking control of the parent. Most of the time the coach is the one who has the relationship with the parent and knows if they are just having a bad day or if this is typical. A lot of times parents are yelling at umpires too and it is not like the umpire can stop the game to go and deal with a parent.
I think a coach can set that presedince early in the season and stick by it. He/She will gain the respect of parents for sticking to it. It may be hard for a parent to hear sometimes but I think after they have cooled down they will understand.
Those kids hear more than we think they do and they are just out there to have fun. I can not remember how many games I won in little league all the years I played. What was imprtant is that I had something that I could share with my dad as I grew up and still can today.
Thanks for all you do for youth sports DR!
Comment by Scott — June 11, 2007 @ 10:24 pm
When I played youth football, my parents only came to one game. At that first game, my mother got out of control. My coach went and talked to her, and asked her to tone it down, but she took that as an insult and left. She never went to another one of my youth football games after that.
Thinking back on it, now that I am much older, I know that my coach did the best thing. Parents are naturally emotional about their children, some more than others, and those kind of emotions are not needed around children that are just trying to have some fun!
Comment by Jason — November 24, 2007 @ 8:40 pm